2 Months Old Already!

Avery is 2 months old. I can hardly believe it. It doesn’t seem that there is any way that much time could have gone by since she was born. But it has.

Yesterday I took Avery to her 2 month well child appointment. She has certainly grown since she was born.Avery on the day of her birth, weighing in at 5lbs 1oz.

Avery at 2 months old, weighing in at 8lbs 5oz. It’s amazing the difference 3lbs can make!

Avery’s appointment went well and other than some continued health issues due to her prematurity, she’s doing well. We’re hoping and praying she’ll outgrow those issues (namely reflux) soon!

Avery’s Trip to the ER

It’s amazing to me that a baby who is unable to move on her own has already suffered an injury that required a trip to the ER. Or maybe it shouldn’t be, since that baby has a very rambunctious (and ornery) big brother.

On Monday evening, Avery was sleeping in her swing. Which is pretty common for her. During the day that is where Avery spends a lot of her time. Since she has reflux, I’ve been sitting her in her swing to sleep so she can be upright a little and so I can spend time with Blue. She’d been a little crabby that day, so she was swaddled in her blanket to sleep. For the most part, Blue ignores Avery, usually only paying attention to her when she’s crying or I’m trying to take care of her. And lately, he’d been being a lot nicer to her, giving her kisses and gently touching her.

I guess we got a little too comfortable and relaxed our vigilance a little too much.

That evening Blue pulled Avery out of her swing and onto the floor. Neither HandyMan nor I saw it (he was in the bathroom and I was in the kitchen), but based on the way Avery was in the swing and the mass of her head compared to the rest of her body, we’re pretty sure her head hit the floor first. When HandyMan and I arrived in the living room, Blue was standing over her with a look of “Oh Crap!” on his face. He KNEW he had done something he shouldn’t have done.

Because she’s so little and was premature, I decided to call the doctor. Avery was acting normal, other than the screaming she did after the fall, which is understandable! Surprisingly (to us) the doctor recommended that we take Avery to the ER to be examined, just to be safe.

We rushed Avery to the ER and the ER pushed us to the front of the line. Evidently they don’t mess around with potential head injuries to 8 week old babies who were born 5 weeks early! After a very short wait, the doctor examined Avery and ordered a CAT scan. They strapped her down to the table and quickly scanned her head. Thankfully they let me stay in the room with her and comfort her while she cried during the scan.

Then we waited. Evidently the radiologist was backed up. And then he couldn’t tell exactly what he was looking at on her scans. There was a shadow that showed up. It could have been bleeding on her brain or it could have just been normal for her head shape & development. The doctor couldn’t tell.

So they admitted Avery, again, to the hospital for observation overnight. I stayed with her, “sleeping” in a hugely uncomfortable recliner while HandyMan went home to rescue the wonderful women from our church who had come to stay with Blue.

They rescanned Avery’s head on Tuesday morning and thankfully everything looked fine. There were no signs of any bleeding on her brain and they sent us home. After our NICU experience, there was a little bit of anxiety about being back in that hospital!

Avery is doing well and we are going to work harder at teaching Blue to be gentle with his sister. We are also working harder to keep Blue from being alone with Avery, even for a few seconds, because that’s all the time he had on Monday and look what happened.

Now, for the rest of her life Avery has something to tease her brother about…”Remember that time you dropped me on my head?!”

Catching Up

It’s been a while since my last post. Sorry. The last 7 weeks have been crazy busy, full of ups and downs and every time I sat down at my computer to post something I just couldn’t. The words wouldn’t come. I had lots that I wanted to share, but couldn’t seem to find a way to articulate it.

Hopefully I’ll do better now!

Avery was born 5 weeks early and is now 7 weeks old. Although she had minimal complications after her birth, she spent 3 weeks in the NICU. Those 3 weeks were incredibly stressful for me and HandyMan and seemed to pass in a blur of business, stress and emotional highs and lows.

We are SO glad she is home and enjoy having both of our children together, but Avery’s homecoming has brought its own stresses. Blue is not really a fan of having a baby sister and has responded to her presence accordingly. Blue has spent the last 4 weeks transitioning from being an only child to a being a big brother. He mostly ignores Avery (which is fine, even ideal right now), but when he does acknowledge her he likes to poke her in the eyes or hit her. Sometimes he tries to shove his pacifier in her mouth. Recently he has started being nicer to her. He will gently rub her back or try to give her a kiss. It’s so sweet and warms my heart to see it.

Now for some pictures. Which is what everyone wants to see anyway, right?!?!

Hooked up to lots of cords on the day she was born.

Getting ready to come home from the NICU.

My beautiful baby girl!

Avery at 4 weeks old.

Blue says, “Cheese!”

Baby Girl is Here!

HandyMan and I are so excited to announce that our much anticipated baby girl arrived this morning. She made her appearance 5 weeks early, but is doing well, weighing in at 5 lbs 1 oz and is 17.5 inches long.

Welcome to the world, Avery Katherine!

Expressions

Like most parents, I think my kid is pretty much the Cutest Kid Ever! I know I’m biased, and I’m sure that there are maybe probably kids out there who are cuter than Blue. But not to me. And frankly, I think that’s how it should be. Every parent should think their kid is the cutest thing they’ve ever seen.

So, like most parents, we have tons of pictures of Blue. I love to capture his smiles. I love the way his face lights up when he smiles!

But I also love to capture some of his other facial expressions. Blue has a lot of personality and it shows through all of the different faces he makes. Here is a sampling of some of the looks I’ve been able to get pictures of.

The above picture is one of my favorites. I don’t remember what he was annoyed about, but it is obvious that he was expressing his displeasure about something. It’s amazing how much Blue has learned to express himself without using very many words and how much HandyMan and I are able to understand just by the look on Blue’s face.

Such a happy boy!

The BedRest Chronicles: Grief

While playing on the internet to keep myself busy and help pass the time on bedrest, I discovered a website completely devoted to women going through high risk pregnancies and women on bedrest. I joined the forum and while I haven’t posted very much, I have enjoyed reading and been encouraged by several of the posts there. In one of the posts, another member talked about going through the grieving process – grieving the loss of a “normal” pregnancy.

That really struck a chord with me.

I’ve spent some time thinking about it and looked up the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. As I look back through the first few weeks after realizing we were having complications with the pregnancy and being put on bedrest, I realize that I did go through all of the stages of grief. There were lots of thoughts to myself and comments to HandyMan that there was “no way” we could be going through this, that surely it was just a bad dream. Then I quickly moved on to anger, being mad that I wouldn’t get to have a “normal” pregnancy and do all of the things I had been looking forward to doing this spring & summer – taking Blue to the park to play or to the swimming pool when the weather gets warm. I wanted to do some special things with him before the baby came that we, maybe, wouldn’t be able to do with a newborn. During this stage, I spent a lot of time crying and mad that I couldn’t take care of Blue the way I was used to. I remember telling HandyMan that I just wanted to be able to “be Blue’s mom.” Bargaining and depression quickly followed – I told myself that if I was really good and did bedrest the way I was supposed to that maybe my restrictions would be lifted a little and I could do more. That hasn’t happened, but after a couple of weeks I came to accept bedrest.

That doesn’t mean that bedrest is fun – it still breaks my heart when Blue lifts his hands to me to pick him up and I can’t do it, but it does mean that bedrest has been a lot more tolerable. I’m still looking forward to being off bedrest, and now that I’m almost 30 weeks, I can see an end in sight. I know (because I asked) that when (if?) I reach 36 weeks, I’ll be able to return to normal activities. While 36 weeks is still 6 weeks away, that is a lot closer than it was when I started bedrest 8 weeks ago.

Here’s hoping the last 6 weeks go by quickly!

The BedRest Chronicles: Complications

It seems that my cervix has a mind of its own and isn’t entirely excited about prospect of growing a full term baby. When I was admitted to the hospital the first time, my cervix was 75% effaced (1 cm long – normal would be 3-4 cm long) & 1 cm dilated. After the cerclage it was 2 cm long and no longer dilated at all. Yay! Since then, it has fluctuated. Every week when I get it checked, it’s a different length until yesterday when it was funneled/effaced down to the stitch (I’m sure having the stomach flu last week didn’t help anything). And to top it off, baby has decided she wants to be head down, so the doctor sent me straight to the hospital to be monitored for a “few days.”

I’ve been in the hospital for almost 24 hours and hooked up to a machine that monitors contractions the entire time. So far, I’ve had all of 4 contractions. Only 2 of them happened in the same hour and I had no idea any of them were occurring. Mostly because I was sleeping at the time, but also because they were so minor they barely registered on the monitor. I’m not super worried about them, it’s not uncommon for a woman having a normal, complication free pregnancy to be having contractions every now and then.

But I’m not having a normal, complication free pregnancy, so maybe I should be worried about them. I don’t know. What I do know is if I spent any time at all worrying about everything that has gone wrong this pregnancy and the potential complications of having a premature baby, I would be a hysterical ball of nerves. And that would be good for no one.

Instead, I’m trying to do what the doctors tell me to do. I’ve spent the vast majority of the past 7 weeks either in bed or lying on the couch. I haven’t picked up Blue, cooked a meal, cleaned anything or gone shopping (although I have shopped online) in 7 weeks. I’m taking the medicine they tell me to take and showing up for all of my appointments (and there have been several). The rest is out of my control. And I’m OK with that. I’ve spent a significant amount of time praying for my baby and that God gives her the time she needs to grow and develop inside of me and I, literally, felt a wave of peace and calmness wash over me. Since then I have been a lot less worried and stressed about when my baby comes.

God has a plan. I don’t know what it is, but I’m trusting that He knows more than I do and even though it is not fun to go through these trials, I know we’re going to get through it.

I’ll be 29 weeks on Friday.

Mud Play

This spring, we’ve had more than our fair share of rain. As of the last total I saw on the news, we’d had around 8 inches. As the pond in our front yard can attest, this is by far more than we usually get.

While we are ready for the rain to stop and very much looking forward to sunshine and warmer temperatures, Blue has enjoyed the mud that the rain has left behind. A few weeks ago, he was playing outside and fell in the middle of a mud puddle. It was pretty chilly that day and Blue was not excited to be wet and covered in mud.

Today is the first 70+ degree day we’ve had in a while, so HandyMan took Blue outside to play and Blue immediately went back to the same mud puddle to play. HandyMan has been encouraging Blue to throw rocks from our driveway into the puddle, with the hope that eventually, the hole will be filled up. Blue can do this for hours, but today he found another way to enjoy the mud puddle.

Oh, the simple joys of childhood!

Blue’s Birth Story, Part 3

If you missed the first 2 parts of Blue’s birth story, click here and here.

Being sent, alone, to the hospital to be monitored for signs of labor is intimidating to say the least. But that is what I did. I walked into registration, signed the appropriate forms and was wheeled up to labor & delivery.

It was such a surreal journey, riding in a wheelchair to the room where I would meet my baby. I couldn’t believe it was happening.

Once I was in the room, in a hospital gown & hooked up to the contraction monitor, it was quickly obvious that I was having regular contractions. In fact, they were coming 5 minutes apart and over the next couple of hours the contractions only increased in frequency and strength. My parents arrived to wait with me until HandyMan could arrive from work. It was wonderful to have the company and be able to talk to someone while I waited to see what was going to happen.

Just before HandyMan arrived that evening, I got up to go to the bathroom. As soon as I stood up my water broke. It was exactly like what they show in the movies. There was a huge gush of fluid and a puddle on the floor. At first I was embarrassed, sure my bladder had succumbed to the pressure from the contractions & Blue, but the nurse acted quickly and determined that it was amniotic fluid. Initially I was relieved, glad I was still in control of my bladder, but then the next contraction hit. Let me tell you, the intensity of the contractions before my water broke was nothing compared to what they felt like immediately after. The first one took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes.

HandyMan arrived a few minutes later and was shocked to learn that I was really in labor and that he had just missed my water breaking. For the next couple of hours, I walked the halls, checked my email and did anything I could to take my mind off the pain of the contractions.

Then I gave in and asked for some pain medicine. I tried IV pain medicine first and when it wore off I asked for the anesthesiologist to come and try an epidural. I say “try” because I had scoliosis surgery as a teenager and my spine is fused from almost the top to almost the bottom. I had assumed since high school that I would be unable to have an epidural, but the anesthesiologist had promised to try and thankfully, was successful!

The next few hours of labor were much more calm. We were even able to get a little bit of sleep.

And then I threw up. Everywhere. All over me, the bed & the IV stand. It was gross and to make matters worse, because of the epidural I couldn’t move around to help get myself and the bedding changed. Once everything was cleaned up, my nurse decided to check me to see how far I had progressed and discovered I was fully dilated and it was time to start pushing.

And push and push and push. I pushed for the next 4 hours. It didn’t seem like 4 hours, time actually went pretty fast. My nurse was beginning to get a little nervous that I would have to have a C-section, but then it was time for shift change. My night nurse stayed and the day nurse, who had just arrived, suggested changing positions to help Blue move down the birth canal. That was exactly what we needed and just a few pushes later Blue arrived into the world.

Our beautiful little boy arrived in the world with a head full of dark brown hair, he weighed 6lbs 13 oz, was 20.5″ long and was pronounced 100% healthy.

It was an amazing experience!

The BedRest Chronicles, Part 1

Today marks exactly 2 weeks since I underwent a rescue cerclage and 2 weeks of official bed rest.

To say that the last 2 weeks have been stressful and emotional would be an understatement, but there have also been lots of good things to come out of our experience so far.

It has been really hard for me to lay on our couch and watch other people (HandyMan included) take care of Blue – doing all the things that I used to do with him. I miss giving him a bath and putting him to bed at night. I miss taking him outside to play, but what I really miss is being able to pick him up and comfort him when he’s upset or hurt. Sometimes it just breaks my heart to watch someone else do those things with him. The same things that I completely took for granted being able to do before being put on bed rest!

During the past 2 weeks I’ve struggled a lot with feelings of guilt. When Blue comes to me with his hands raised for me to pick him up and I have to tell him that I can’t I feel so guilty. I feel like I’m cheating him and not giving him the attention or care that he needs. But at the same time, I know that doing those things with Blue could jeopardize our baby girl’s very life. And that’s not fair to her. Our baby girl is very active and completely perfect for her gestational age, but it is simply too early for her to be born and survive without a long and hard fight ahead of her. It would devastate me to do something that would put her life at risk.

So on the couch I stay. Mostly laying down, sometimes “lounging” and only getting up to go to the bathroom, eat and shower. It’s not very fun, but it’s necessary.

But, like I said, it’s not all been bad.

Our friends, family and church family have stepped up to help us in amazing ways. My mom is buying our groceries and household supplies, my sister is watching Blue at least 1 day a week, my mother-in-law has arranged with her work to work from here 1-2 days a week and women from our church are coming over to stay with me & Blue during the day and are bringing us meals. While it’s not an ideal situation, there is absolutely no way HandyMan and I could have gotten through the last 2 weeks or the remainder of my time on bed rest without their help. We have been SO blessed by everyone’s help and prayers.

We are reminded daily that life is precious and worth fighting for.