It seems that my cervix has a mind of its own and isn’t entirely excited about prospect of growing a full term baby. When I was admitted to the hospital the first time, my cervix was 75% effaced (1 cm long – normal would be 3-4 cm long) & 1 cm dilated. After the cerclage it was 2 cm long and no longer dilated at all. Yay! Since then, it has fluctuated. Every week when I get it checked, it’s a different length until yesterday when it was funneled/effaced down to the stitch (I’m sure having the stomach flu last week didn’t help anything). And to top it off, baby has decided she wants to be head down, so the doctor sent me straight to the hospital to be monitored for a “few days.”
I’ve been in the hospital for almost 24 hours and hooked up to a machine that monitors contractions the entire time. So far, I’ve had all of 4 contractions. Only 2 of them happened in the same hour and I had no idea any of them were occurring. Mostly because I was sleeping at the time, but also because they were so minor they barely registered on the monitor. I’m not super worried about them, it’s not uncommon for a woman having a normal, complication free pregnancy to be having contractions every now and then.
But I’m not having a normal, complication free pregnancy, so maybe I should be worried about them. I don’t know. What I do know is if I spent any time at all worrying about everything that has gone wrong this pregnancy and the potential complications of having a premature baby, I would be a hysterical ball of nerves. And that would be good for no one.
Instead, I’m trying to do what the doctors tell me to do. I’ve spent the vast majority of the past 7 weeks either in bed or lying on the couch. I haven’t picked up Blue, cooked a meal, cleaned anything or gone shopping (although I have shopped online) in 7 weeks. I’m taking the medicine they tell me to take and showing up for all of my appointments (and there have been several). The rest is out of my control. And I’m OK with that. I’ve spent a significant amount of time praying for my baby and that God gives her the time she needs to grow and develop inside of me and I, literally, felt a wave of peace and calmness wash over me. Since then I have been a lot less worried and stressed about when my baby comes.
God has a plan. I don’t know what it is, but I’m trusting that He knows more than I do and even though it is not fun to go through these trials, I know we’re going to get through it.
I’ll be 29 weeks on Friday.