Today marks exactly 2 weeks since I underwent a rescue cerclage and 2 weeks of official bed rest.
To say that the last 2 weeks have been stressful and emotional would be an understatement, but there have also been lots of good things to come out of our experience so far.
It has been really hard for me to lay on our couch and watch other people (HandyMan included) take care of Blue – doing all the things that I used to do with him. I miss giving him a bath and putting him to bed at night. I miss taking him outside to play, but what I really miss is being able to pick him up and comfort him when he’s upset or hurt. Sometimes it just breaks my heart to watch someone else do those things with him. The same things that I completely took for granted being able to do before being put on bed rest!
During the past 2 weeks I’ve struggled a lot with feelings of guilt. When Blue comes to me with his hands raised for me to pick him up and I have to tell him that I can’t I feel so guilty. I feel like I’m cheating him and not giving him the attention or care that he needs. But at the same time, I know that doing those things with Blue could jeopardize our baby girl’s very life. And that’s not fair to her. Our baby girl is very active and completely perfect for her gestational age, but it is simply too early for her to be born and survive without a long and hard fight ahead of her. It would devastate me to do something that would put her life at risk.
So on the couch I stay. Mostly laying down, sometimes “lounging” and only getting up to go to the bathroom, eat and shower. It’s not very fun, but it’s necessary.
But, like I said, it’s not all been bad.
Our friends, family and church family have stepped up to help us in amazing ways. My mom is buying our groceries and household supplies, my sister is watching Blue at least 1 day a week, my mother-in-law has arranged with her work to work from here 1-2 days a week and women from our church are coming over to stay with me & Blue during the day and are bringing us meals. While it’s not an ideal situation, there is absolutely no way HandyMan and I could have gotten through the last 2 weeks or the remainder of my time on bed rest without their help. We have been SO blessed by everyone’s help and prayers.
We are reminded daily that life is precious and worth fighting for.